Addiction To Reality

Do we live in an addictive society designed to cater to our traumas or are humans by nature designed to be addicted to seeking pleasure.  It's all speculation, no matter what the experts tell you about anything, nothings really universally true.  We all have our own versions of truth.  So if we are consciousness's manifesting a body to experiencing all the sensations available to a physical body then aren't we already addicted to our senses?  What else would bring us here?

There's all sorts of interesting theories to subscribe to, I like to take them all in.  I can't say that I would wage a war over any of my beliefs, I don't hold them that strongly.  The only belief system I really follow are some of the core principles of Don Juan.  Be impeccable.  What else do you need?  It kind of narrows it down to the very heart of the matter.  Life is finite, don't waste any of it.  Don't waste your energy on negative thoughts and don't waste your time in mindless routine, don't waste words on untruths or idle chit chat.  Nothing should be taken for granted.  I feel a compelling urgency to push forward freed from the weight of my past as a burden.  I think to simplify it down to more palatable words is don't spend the time today making problems you'll have to fix tomorrow.  It's okay to reserve action until the clear direction is shown, but you have to look for it.

I have come to the point of my life where I realize I am old.  Not really, I just got a hair cut, silver as it might be, cut it short it just looks blond, I could pass for 25 until I smile.  The crows feet give me away, too many miles in the saddle squinting against the dust to see the horizon.  No the give away is the YouTube history.  Times change, as a kid I knew my parents were old by the boring selection of books on the shelf.  It was the 80's and 90's classics that you'd see in every alternative book store of the time, Louise L. Hay is the only one I can find on the internet right now.  I didn't read them then and I probably wouldn't now, but I see parallels in my own consumption of knowledge right now.  

I read Carlos Castaneda as a teenager and that was the basis for my own personal beliefs, mix in some Zachariah Sitchin and well lets say anything seems plausible in context with the bible teachings I was brought up with.  I'm at that age now myself where if I had bookshelves they might be covered with self help books.  I don't learn a lot of new information though, many things I choose to listen to simply reinforce what I already feel I know.  

Joe Rogan of course speaks to so many interesting people that many of his guests seem to resonate with me which then takes me down another rabbit hole.  Today I was listening to Gabor Mate speaking with Russel Brand.  I've heard of Dr. Mate before, my dad has his books, or his wife does, I might be more interested in reading them now.  Not just because he spoke with a couple influential podcasters though.  However, I got the knowledge for free listening to him speak on YouTube so I will save my money until I have a house to put a bookshelf in and a place to put books.  

Russel brought up the down town east side of Vancouver, BC where Gabor worked and described it as a somewhat scary place even to someone used to going to such places to score drugs.  It was one level further down into Dante's inferno then anywhere else he'd ever been.  It's funny to hear Vancouver spoken to in such a way because it's true.  I worked on the DTE as a delivery driver for a year, arriving into the heart of it at 5am four days a week, I didn't see it all, but I saw enough.  It's like everything else you take for granted as normal, it's not.  It wasn't until going to Seattle and not seeing a single junky or homeless person on the street I realized Vancouver was special in it's desperation.  It's not to say there wasn't a homeless problem in Seattle, it just wasn't in the centre of the tourist zone like it is in Van.  Fast forward to Tijuana and aside from the crumbling infrastructure and the irregular subdivisions the devastating addictions are not quite on display so publicly as they are back home.  I feel more comfortable in el Centro of Tj then I did in the DTE, it's just more honest here.

Maybe thats the secret about Mexico that I like, everything is out in the open.  The government is no more or less corrupt here, the police force, the military, its just that the corruption is more accessible from street level.  Here everyone knows that you have to pay to play, in the first world only the big names can afford to get into the game.  They've raised to stakes so high that the likes of you and I can't even afford the small blind.  It makes me mad when the soldiers find my weed at the check points and make me pay for the privilege of not having the police called, but then it's my fault for not hiding it better isn't it.  It' just part of the game, everyone's got to eat.  I can't complain, I had an oz hidden in the back and I left a joint in the console.  They could've been dicks and searched better, but as it was they took a 1000 pesos and even gave me back the joint when I asked for it.  I just wanted the little tin it was in but it was nice to have the joint, even though there was still another military check point to go through.  Lesson learned, again.  I was busted here for possession 22 years ago and it cost me the exact same amount in dollars to get out.  Peso wise the price had doubled.  So shame on me for thinking I'd get away with it, even though I'd passed through all the check points up until that point with out a hassle.  

Those are my addictions, marijuana and tobacco.  I just like the act of smoking.  I've quit both numerous times and recently too, but something always draws me back.  I'll get to the bottom of the trauma one day.  I've uncovered a lot of it already, enough that I don't let it dictate my responses but sometimes I need a while to formulate a response after I've processed my initial primal reaction.  I like to think this is what they mean by growing up.  It's not new concepts, just being able to finally see how they apply not just to everyone else but myself as well, and thus being able to put them into practice.

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